Blanket Gnomes

(Scroll down for the Dance of the Blanket Gnomes)

It’s two o’clock in the morning.  You’re lying there thinking, “why am I awake?”  Gradually you realize the blankets you had tucked under your chin are now covering only about half of your chest, and you are cold.  You discover that the blankets are spread out to some degree on the floor at the foot of the bed.

You’re lying on your side facing east.  It’s one a.m., and all is not right on the western front (western back, in this case).  You are halfway uncovered.  Not a good turn of events.

Boy, it’s warm.  You have the blankets well tucked under your chin, but now your feet are freezing!  They are uncovered.

You are getting a crick in the neck because the pillow has shifted.  It’s down by your feet.

Blanket Gnomes!  They are small, quick, clever, quiet, and strong.  Full of mischief.  They hide in dark corners, or under the bed, or in the closet.  They move the covers while you’re asleep.  Usually to the foot of the bed, and nearly every night to one side or the other.

If you get up in the night for anything, when you get back they will have the blankets fixed.  You won’t realize it at first, but after you get in bed you’ll discover it and utter a small exclamation under your breath and re-adjust.

You will never see them.  Sometimes they work on the pillow.  Just when you have it fluffed just the right way, your head slides off.  At times they slide it onto the floor (it’s one of the rare jokes they play).

And they will steal your socks.

After they have done their mischief, and before you wake up, they gather at the foot of the bed and dance, quietly, but with great glee.  To accompany their dance, they hum in a strange, jerky, high-pitched voice.

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Play “Dance of the Blanket Gnomes”

               Blanket Gnome

Here is an accurate description of a Blanket Gnome:

What is a Blanket Gnome like? For a comparison, picture in your mind’s eye a water buffalo.

The water buffalo is large, weighing over 1500 pounds. The Blanket Gnome is not large.

The water buffalo is gray to black, while the Blanket Gnome is not gray or black.

The water buffalo has backward curving horns. The Blanket Gnome has no horns.

The water buffalo has a long, swishy tail. The Blanket Gnome doesn’t have a long, swishy tail.

The water buffalo has a large, bovine nose. The Blanket Gnome doesn’t have a large, bovine nose.

The water buffalo has four legs.  The Blanket Gnome doesn’t have four legs.

The water buffalo spends much of his time in muddy waters.  The Blanket Gnome does not spend any time in muddy waters.

It is safe to say, therefore, that in fact, there is absolutely no similarity between the water buffalo and the blanket gnome. You may conclude that the Blanket Gnome is a complete and absolute contrast to the water buffalo.

One Response to Blanket Gnomes

  1. Marci says:

    See, they do exist, they do exist,

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